You just don't get it!!! He Said/She Said

Reading 'Sex, Lies, and Conversation' was like reading a page out of my own life story! Me and my boyfriend, Pat, could have avoided countless arguments if we had read this essay a long, long time ago. Tannen observes that "...most wives want their husbands to be, first and foremost, conversational partners, but few husbands share this expectation of their wives" (Tannen 241). I have asked Pat numerous times to call each other at the end of the day and see how each of our days went. Afterall, he is my best friend. But do I get this? Of course not! Instead he texts me all day about nothing. For example "What are you doing?" to which I reply "I'm in class" or something similar and this happens basically everyday. Nothing is really being said here that is worth the effort. Why not just call each other at the end of the day to talk about the high lights of our days? Because boys/men have different ideas of communication apparently.

Recently I was talking to Pat about my old best friend. We had gone our separate ways due to differences in opinion and I was still upset about it. I had seen her on campus and said hi and she ignored me. I needed someone to talk so I turned to my boyfriend. He said "Just don't worry about it and keep trying to say hi." That was the LAST thing I wanted to hear!!! If I had been talking to a girl she would have been telling me I was a bigger person for being the one to say hi and that there is no way I should keep trying after she was so rude!

After reading this essay I realize my self what kind of communicator I am and how different my boyfriend is. I can now see where he would be confused by my expectations of our communication since until I read this I didn't really realize! While I want different opinions than my own, I first and foremost want to be agreed and sympathized with! "When most women talk to each other, they assume a conversationalist's job is to express agreement and support. But many men see their conversational duty as pointing out the other side of an argument" (Tannen 243). Pat was just trying to point out a different opinion than my own but all I wanted at the time was support. Maybe next time things will be different since I plan on having him read this essay!